I like to think of myself as a fairly honest person. I don't make it a habit to lie to other people. I joke that I don't have a poker face because I seem to always wear my thoughts and feelings. Growing up I figured out really quick that I wasn't good at lying. My parents always seemed to know when I did. Besides, I was a pretty good kid overall (some missteps of course), anything I could lie about probably wasn't that bad anyway.
As I've grown and become more self aware, I look back and I see so many times that I lied in my adulthood. Chronic lying. Complete deception. With myself.
Intellectually, I could relabel it as me protecting myself. It was me rationalizing thoughts, feelings, and actions. But in essence, I just lied to myself to make me feel better; to do what I had to do at the time to get through.
What I didn't realize by doing that was that I was robbing myself of the opportunity to make a better choice for myself. I was robbing myself of control over my life, my spirit, my body. By protecting myself I made it not about me, it was about other people. When you stop making your life about you and what you're doing, you sit in the back seat and wonder where you're going, whether you want to go there in the first place, and determine yourself powerless to do anything because you aren't the driver.
Did you know that your body and spirit are a phenomenal barometers for your life? Feeling depressed and anxious all the time? Maybe you need to change some areas in your life. Overweight, unhealthy, and tired all the time? Maybe you need to identify what habits you've chained yourself to that got you there and keep you there. Hate your job and feel beaten down? Maybe you aren't fulfilling your life's purpose.
The mind is an amazing tool that allows people to do incredible things! The phrase 'Mind over Matter' is a wonderful reminder that anything is possible if we put our mind to it. But for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Your mind can keep you stagnant. Your mind can keep you doing the same unhealthy things day in and day out because it's comfortable. Your mind can keep you in unhealthy relationships or environments because you aren't sure if you would survive outside of it, that you aren't worth it.
When life is good, it's so easy to attribute it to a strong will, a focused mind, daily actions taken to get there. Conversely, we can have a strong will to stay the same EVEN if we are miserable because change is scary and misery is predictable. We focus our mind on resentments, guilt, and fear. We ensure we stay in the same place by religiously keeping our bad habits day in and day out.
Honesty. It's a an ego killer, it's a humbling, it's... a game changer.
As I do for myself, I encourage you to take some time with a pen and paper and take some personal inventory (don't worry about taking other people's inventory, we're already good at that and it absolves us of focusing on cleaning up our side of the street).
Ask yourself some questions:
- Am I fulfilled in my life right now?
- What does happiness look like for me?
- What am I doing each day that either moves me closer to or further from my definition of happiness?
- For each action or thought process that is moving me away from happiness, what is the opposite action or thought I can take each day to bring myself closer to it?
I highly recommend journaling each day. I love to journal when I first wake up and document whatever I can remember from my dreams the night before and any thoughts that start swirling in my head once my eyes open. Then I go into focused writing asking myself these types of questions to ensure that I'm continually moving forward toward a better me and a better life.
With any habit, it take consistency and time to establish. Worrying and stirring around in your head distracts you through the day and makes it difficult to accomplish what you set out to do. It's hard to look at yourself objectively and make significant changes when you don't allow yourself the focused time each day. Commuting to work is not conducive to progressive self reflection. Be intentional with your time and your thoughts. Be quiet and really listen to your heart when you ask yourself these questions and dig deeper within yourself.
If you've been ignoring certain feelings because you're afraid of change, now is the time to admit the truth to yourself and act accordingly.
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