I think I've been too proud to use that word to describe my feelings. I tend to describe my feelings in other ways or just focus on trying to fix the symptoms. In reality, the weight of the word is just as heavy as the feelings that accompany it. When I'm honest with myself, that's exactly what I feel when I find myself meandering through my mind picking up memories that make me cringe. "Why did I say that?" "Man, I am a jerk." I should have done something different." "Why wasn't I stronger?" "How can they love me?" If these phrases come to you often, it's probably a sign that you carry guilt.
Some are more prone to holding on to guilt. I've met people who just don't let things bother them, water off a duck's back. I don't think I've ever been that person. I've been known to obsess over the same situation for an absurd amount of time and make myself crazy about it. Learning from your mistakes is important, it can prevent you from making the same mistakes twice. However, unresolved guilt just leaves these missteps in your mind, piled up until it becomes harder to find the good in yourself.
Carrying guilt is like wearing a heavy backpack around all the time. It's hard to maneuver, it gets in the way of activities and being intimate with other people. It's difficult to feel bright, happy, beautiful, sexy, passionate, and at peace when you're constantly being dragged down, exhausted. Unresolved guilt can also lead to self-destructive tendencies - food addiction, eating disorders, alcohol addiction or abuse, drug use to numb your feelings and escape... the list goes on.
This morning's message is FORGIVENESS. Forgive yourself for your misdeeds, mistakes, and hurtful actions. If it requires you to ask forgiveness from another person in order to allow you to forgive yourself, do it! Break free from the self-destructive tendencies that can come with carried guilt. Find your innocence again!
I encourage you to pray or meditate this morning asking your higher power to help you see that God's love and light is within you and everyone else. Ask for help to love yourself and to be loved by others. Find yourself worthy of it and know that you deserve to be at peace.
"Your past behavior could never undo God's perfect handiwork in creating you as a powerful, loving, and much-needed being of light and love" - Doreen Virtue
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