Surrender

Surrender: 'to give the control or use of (something) to someone else'

I completely believe in personal responsibility. I believe that one must pull themselves up by their bootstraps and work for that which they desire. Where I got stuck over the years is that I didn't include my Higher Power in the planning and execution of my life. Even worse, as I realize this morning, I made my higher power OTHER PEOPLE. 

I grew up in the church - I've never not known that there was something greater than myself. As a child I embraced it completely and imagined heaven's streets lined with chocolate and marshmallows (at 6 years old who gives a hoot about gold and jewels). As a teenager I became more skeptical, my lens of the world shifted. But I still needed to trust in something greater than myself. So I made my friends at school and people at church my higher power. I can only tell you that bestowing mere mortals the responsibility for looking out for your best interest is naive and a HUGE mistake. Time and time again I was let down, I became disillusioned and untrusting. 

I realized that it would be up to me to look out for myself and make things happen. Now, whether I set too lofty a goal or expectation for myself or not, I ended up failing myself in those efforts. There's tremendous guilt that accompanied disappointing myself and seeing that despite my best intentions I just wasn't good enough, or disciplined enough, or [fill in the blank] enough. I just wasn't ENOUGH.

When I mustered the will to try to change myself, my habits, my circumstances in my life, it reinvigorated me. I really felt like,"I've got this!" I would obsess over details and I would run scenarios in my head so I would be prepared for whatever direction life took me. I would replay the past and obsess about how it could have gone differently. See the pattern here? I was either focusing on the past or the future, but I was MISSING the PRESENT!

What in the world could allow me to chase my dreams but allow me to be present in the moment? My Higher Power as I now understand him. Despite my best efforts micromanaging my life and others' and all the amazing things that come with it like, stress and obsessive planning, a clenched jaw and tight shoulders, crazy dreams and sleepless nights, self-sabotaging behavior, resentment, depression and anxiety... the list goes on - my Higher Power was there all along. I can look back and clearly identify circumstances that brought certain people into my life that I never could have engineered. So many times I was saved from myself when I maybe shouldn't have been.

The lesson for me now is to SURRENDER. My job is to focus on my intentions, and envision the life I want for myself and my loved ones. My job is to pay attention to the world and people around me in the PRESENT and see what blessing and opportunities have been laid before me. My job is to take action when presented with opportunities and not worry about how it's going to take me from A to B. Ask any successful person and they will usually attest that the path to success is far from straight and direct. I have also noticed that the opportunities may not look anything like what I would have expected for myself, but the results are even BETTER than anything I could have created for myself. 

Not to say I don't have to remind myself almost daily to put myself, my ego, my neurotic nature aside and just let it work itself out. I am far from perfect. I apparently have severe short term memory when it comes to control. When I surrender and blessings start to appear, my knee jerk reaction is to say "Awesome, I'll take it from here!" The results are usually less than stellar and I can rarely enjoy anyone or anything because I'm not living in the present because I'm worried about the future.

The key is to be gentle with myself and get back to gratitude. Gratitude anchors me in the present. Gratitude provides me the proper lens to see the blessing in my life and how I am a blessing to others. Then I surrender once more, focus my intentions, and prepare myself to do the necessary work.

Focus on the What and Surrender the How

The Truth and Nothing But

Today's message comes to you from the word HONESTY.

I like to think of myself as a fairly honest person. I don't make it a habit to lie to other people. I joke that I don't have a poker face because I seem to always wear my thoughts and feelings. Growing up I figured out really quick that I wasn't good at lying. My parents always seemed to know when I did. Besides, I was a pretty good kid overall (some missteps of course), anything I could lie about probably wasn't that bad anyway.

As I've grown and become more self aware, I look back and I see so many times that I lied in my adulthood. Chronic lying. Complete deception. With myself.

Intellectually, I could relabel it as me protecting myself. It was me rationalizing thoughts, feelings, and actions. But in essence, I just lied to myself to make me feel better; to do what I had to do at the time to get through.

What I didn't realize by doing that was that I was robbing myself of the opportunity to make a better choice for myself. I was robbing myself of control over my life, my spirit, my body. By protecting myself I made it not about me, it was about other people. When you stop making your life about you and what you're doing, you sit in the back seat and wonder where you're going, whether you want to go there in the first place, and determine yourself powerless to do anything because you aren't the driver.

Did you know that your body and spirit are a phenomenal barometers for your life? Feeling depressed and anxious all the time? Maybe you need to change some areas in your life. Overweight, unhealthy, and tired all the time? Maybe you need to identify what habits you've chained yourself to that got you there and keep you there. Hate your job and feel beaten down? Maybe you aren't fulfilling your life's purpose.

The mind is an amazing tool that allows people to do incredible things! The phrase 'Mind over Matter' is a wonderful reminder that anything is possible if we put our mind to it. But for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Your mind can keep you stagnant. Your mind can keep you doing the same unhealthy things day in and day out because it's comfortable. Your mind can keep you in unhealthy relationships or environments because you aren't sure if you would survive outside of it, that you aren't worth it.

When life is good, it's so easy to attribute it to a strong will, a focused mind, daily actions taken to get there. Conversely, we can have a strong will to stay the same EVEN if we are miserable because change is scary and misery is predictable. We focus our mind on resentments, guilt, and fear. We ensure we stay in the same place by religiously keeping our bad habits day in and day out.

Honesty. It's a an ego killer, it's a humbling, it's... a game changer.

As I do for myself, I encourage you to take some time with a pen and paper and take some personal inventory (don't worry about taking other people's inventory, we're already good at that and it absolves us of focusing on cleaning up our side of the street).

Ask yourself some questions:

• Am I fulfilled in my life right now?
• What does happiness look like for me?
• What am I doing each day that either moves me closer to or further from my definition of happiness?
• For each action or thought process that is moving me away from happiness, what is the opposite action or thought I can take each day to bring myself closer to it?

I highly recommend journaling each day. I love to journal when I first wake up and document whatever I can remember from my dreams the night before and any thoughts that start swirling in my head once my eyes open. Then I go into focused writing asking myself these types of questions to ensure that I'm continually moving forward toward a better me and a better life.

With any habit, it take consistency and time to establish. Worrying and stirring around in your head distracts you through the day and makes it difficult to accomplish what you set out to do. It's hard to look at yourself objectively and make significant changes when you don't allow yourself the focused time each day. Commuting to work is not conducive to progressive self reflection. Be intentional with your time and your thoughts. Be quiet and really listen to your heart when you ask yourself these questions and dig deeper within yourself.

If you've been ignoring certain feelings because you're afraid of change, now is the time to admit the truth to yourself and act accordingly.

FREEDOM

Received a great message this morning "FREEDOM"

It's a gentle reminder that you aren't a victim of outside circumstances - you have choices in everything you do. Move away from complaining that you're a victim of circumstance or other people who control you. 

Take responsibility for yourself, your life, and your happiness! When you take responsibility for your current situation in life it may initially feel overwhelming, but in the same vein it is LIBERATING! You have control now to make your life what you've always wanted. That is simply not possible if you continue to attribute the way you feel to everything and everyone around you. 

Don't waste time in the past weighed down by blame or guilt. Focus on your true purpose today, taking the steps necessary to be fulfilled, happy, healthy and full of LOVE! Love on yourself, love on other people! 

You have the right to change your life!

Doreen Virtue

Forgiving Yourself and Moving Forward

Guilt.

I think I've been too proud to use that word to describe my feelings. I tend to describe my feelings in other ways or just focus on trying to fix the symptoms. In reality, the weight of the word is just as heavy as the feelings that accompany it. When I'm honest with myself, that's exactly what I feel when I find myself meandering through my mind picking up memories that make me cringe. "Why did I say that?" "Man, I am a jerk." I should have done something different." "Why wasn't I stronger?" "How can they love me?" If these phrases come to you often, it's probably a sign that you carry guilt.

Some are more prone to holding on to guilt. I've met people who just don't let things bother them, water off a duck's back. I don't think I've ever been that person. I've been known to obsess over the same situation for an absurd amount of time and make myself crazy about it. Learning from your mistakes is important, it can prevent you from making the same mistakes twice. However, unresolved guilt just leaves these missteps in your mind, piled up until it becomes harder to find the good in yourself.

Carrying guilt is like wearing a heavy backpack around all the time. It's hard to maneuver, it gets in the way of activities and being intimate with other people. It's difficult to feel bright, happy, beautiful, sexy, passionate, and at peace when you're constantly being dragged down, exhausted. Unresolved guilt can also lead to self-destructive tendencies - food addiction, eating disorders, alcohol addiction or abuse, drug use to numb your feelings and escape... the list goes on.

This morning's message is FORGIVENESS. Forgive yourself for your misdeeds, mistakes, and hurtful actions. If it requires you to ask forgiveness from another person in order to allow you to forgive yourself, do it! Break free from the self-destructive tendencies that can come with carried guilt. Find your innocence again!

I encourage you to pray or meditate this morning asking your higher power to help you see that God's love and light is within you and everyone else. Ask for help to love yourself and to be loved by others. Find yourself worthy of it and know that you deserve to be at peace.

"Your past behavior could never undo God's perfect handiwork in creating you as a powerful, loving, and much-needed being of light and love" - Doreen Virtue